There’s a big difference between just hearing someone and really listening to them. One is a passive activity while the other is active, which is why it’s called active listening.
You know when someone is actively listening because that person acknowledges both verbally and physically what you’re saying.
But the simple fact about active listening is that we don’t always practice it. What can happen if we’re not listening carefully? It can lead to misunderstanding, frustration, or even conflict.
And that could have serious consequences in your personal life, or on the job especially if you’re following directions from your boss. Likewise, it can affect an expected outcome if you’re a member of a team responsible for a complex project for example.
Basics of Active Listening
So when you need to consciously listen and understand another person, how well do you listen? Use these seven tips to improve (or review) your active listening skills:
1. Focus your attention
Start by facing the speaker. Make and keep eye contact with them to show you’re interested in what they’re saying. Try to screen out distractions to stay focused.
That applies to internal ones like thoughts or feelings and external ones like noise or other activity. Don’t think about anything else except what the speaker is saying.
2. Watch your body language
It’s important to relax while staying attentive. No need to continuously watch the speaker, but avoid appearing bored. Yawning or looking away for extended periods of time send a negative signal.
Acknowledge what’s being said and encourage the speaker with a nod or smile because it’s not always easy for someone to get up and talk in front of others.
3. Empathize with the speaker
Reserve your judgement while listening to a speaker, especially someone with views or opinions different from yours. It’s easy to stereotype people and make decisions about them based on how they look, act, or sound.
But many times those decisions are completely wrong. So listen closely to what they say and try to see things from their perspective.
4. Be patient
Every speaker has their own style of speaking. Some speak quickly while others speak very deliberately, depending on their personality.
Consider this an opportunity for you to adapt your listening skills to a variety of speaking habits. That takes patience, but it also benefits you if you focus on what the speaker says, not how they say it.
TED Talk: 5 Ways to Listen Better
5. Watch for non-verbal cues
Non-verbal communication conveys strong signals (think Mr. Bean). In the same way our body language as listeners reflects what we’re thinking or feeling, it also applies to a speaker.
What a speaker says is embedded in how they say it. Besides listening to the words (and ideas), it’s also important to look for physical cues to get the full impact.
6. Don’t interrupt
When a speaker talks about a problem, refrain from jumping in to voice your own opinions or solutions. It could appear rude and disrupt the speaker’s train of thought.
Not to mention, the speaker may not be interested in getting advice. Best to wait until they're finished speaking before asking them if they’d like to hear your ideas.
7. Feed back
Our own personal ‘filters’ distort what we hear. That makes it necessary to ensure we’re getting the right message.
Reflect on what you’ve heard and ask the speaker questions i.e. Is this what you mean? Can you clarify that? Use paraphrasing and summarizing to then feed back your understanding of the content.
Listen Up
Active listening is not just hearing. It’s really the foundation for all meaningful interpersonal communication. And it helps you become a better communicator, develop better relationships, and improve job productivity. So, listen up!
You Might Also Like These
• Active Listening Skills, Examples and Exercises
• 15 Phrases That Will Help You Better Understand a Hard Conversation
• Five Skillful Solutions for Dealing with Difficult People
• My Big List of Health and Wellness Resources
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