Dealing with difficult people can be, well, difficult. We’ve all met them or worked with them or worked for them. What’s so difficult about them?
Their behaviour can be objectionable to many. Or it can depend on our own tolerances. Whatever their (perceived) offending trait(s), difficult people have something to teach us.
Probably the most important thing that dealing with difficult people can teach us is to not take their actions or comments directed at us personally. It’s almost never about us, it’s about them.
They may be bullies, substance abusers, or self-styled experts with overblown egos. Most often they have no idea of the impact of their behaviour on others.
The second most important lesson is that sometimes we need to explore why we find certain people difficult in the first place. How? By taking a closer look at ourselves and what triggers our reaction to them.
Maybe there’s a personal pattern or incident in our past that has sensitized us to their particular behaviour. Based on those insights, we can change how we react.
How to Deal with Difficult People
Whether the conflict stems from either type of situation, there is a way to work with people we find difficult. And there is a way to resolve conflict with them that works for you. Where to start? Take a look at these practical strategies:
1. Give it time
Before responding, count to 10. Or go for a run. Or even wait a few days, if possible.
Better to consider first how you’ll reply rather than jumping in with both feet before you’ve decided how you want to tactfully proceed. Knee jerk reactions only escalate an issue.
Like they say, “when the emotions rise the brain dies!”
2. Pick your battles
Decide how much a confrontation is worth to you. Will you lose more than you might gain?
It’s not a matter of being fearful to take a stand, but weighing the benefits against a perhaps minor or temporary inconvenience. Wasted time and energy plus unnecessary grief add stress and don’t resolve a situation.
3. Change perspective
Try to consider where the other person is coming from. Maybe they’re a boss who’s always trying to please their own boss. Maybe a conflict emerges because the other person covets a trait of yours that they secretly wish they had.
Better understanding may not resolve the problem, but it could be a way to start a constructive dialogue.
4. Focus on the issue
Where there’s a personality conflict, try to deal with the issue at hand rather than the person’s behaviour. It can avoid messy personal confrontations while potentially benefitting both parties.
If you take a win-win approach rather than display a win-at-all-costs attitude, you might even gain more respect from that person.
5. Avoid the negative
Chronic complainers love company. They’re always ready to share how they’re being unfairly treated or how someone or something else is at fault.
Don’t agree with them or say nothing when they rant. That just encourages them. Tactfully challenge them by pointing out the facts or avoid them altogether.
Working Together
We all have to get along with each other on one level or another whether in the workplace or everyday life. When dealing with difficult people, it’s all about trying to understand the other person’s perspective or situation and your own and communicating your needs with tact.
How to deal with difficult people
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